PAX (10): FannyPack, Jump Seat, Krueger, Lil Hurt, lumbergh, No-See-Um, Special K, Trebek, Wilson
Today is election day, so YHC decided we’d host our own Exercise Election to build your own beatdown. Pax were advised to do their own research, knock on doors to EH FNGs, and line up early for Pre-Ruck or Pre-Run options to secure their spot in line. Only one of those was accomplished, but all who attended were ready for a Beatdown, so YHC provided.
As “Hail to the Chief” blared out of the speaker, YHC called the election to order and proceeded with an introduction and disclaimer. With all appropriately disposed, we moseyed to the pool parking lot as Jimi Hendrix played the National Anthem. YHC led the pax through a quick warm-up of SSHs, Weedpickers, Hillbillies, Copperhead Squats, and arm circles before explaining the Exercise Election process:
YHC placed a board underneath the lights of the concession stand with a list of the Candidates running for office. Pax were instructed to run to the intersection of the paths and back before voting on their candidate of choice. After voting, Pax air chaired for the 6 while the votes were tallied before engaging in the winning exercise. Then it was rinse and repeat with each round adding new reps to the set.
With the Pax properly informed of the election protocols, we moseyed to the coupon pile to procure potentially necessary implements before finding the board of pain just down the path from the shovel flag.
2022 Exercise Election Candidates (Winning candidate in Italics)
Representative to the Senate BODY Burpees (5) vs. SSH (15)
Muscle Beach House Representative Curls (15) vs. Merkins (15)
Gov-AB-ner Big Boys (20) vs. Flutterkicks (20α)
State LEG-islature Squats (25) vs. Step-Ups (25α)
Skull Crushers (20) vs. Dips (20)
J.Los (20α) vs. Dolly (20)
Chief LEG-xcutive Officer
Bulgarian Split Squats (15α) vs. Monkey Humpers (50)
Throughout the election there was mumble chatter concerning disenfranchisement or undue Q-influence upon the results. These claims were dismissed out of hand, but nearly resulted in a rebellion when J.Lo failed to concede defeat to Dolly. Fortunately, it was merely rhetoric and the beatdown resumed, but J.Lo and her supporters won’t forget their mistreatment in the election. Throughout the beatdown we were accompanied by appropriately themed music including “Fight for yur Right” by the Beastie Boys and “I was a Teenage Anarchist” by Against Me. Finally, YHC provided the requisite Monkey Mating Call in honor of Devito’s Birthday (someone had to while our loudest monkey was leading at Academy).
After the final round of exercises, YHC delivered the Pax the following down ballot measures for their consideration:
Shall the HIM of Rubicon use the remainder of the allotted temporal budget to further accelerate their beat down through the promotion of their lower extremities upon an upright inpediment in order to appropriately leverage their anatomy upon stated impediment in further competition to determine whom shall remain inverted for the greatest period of time?
Be it resolved that a portion of the temporal allocation for the self-destruction of one’s body be set aside for the completion of a rotation about one’s individual axis while engaging in a mixture of bilateral isometric core exercises and the repetition of other extensions combated by the force of one’s own gravity?
Shall the course of exercise hereby engaged in conclude with a counter body equivalency of two PAX exerting countervailing force through a fictitious seating object while exchanging a weighted object about their conjoined axis for two rotations cover the potential directions of a clock face?
With the HIM of Rubicon appropriately confused by the measures, voting was mixed, but eventually sufficient votes were procured for all measures to succeed. If you couldn’t interpret the language, the measures resulted in the following additional exercises:
Balls to the Wall – Fanny Pack withstood the greatest inverted suffering to secure top spot in our competition. Next year he’ll be qualified to run for office in our F3 election!
Sixty-Second Arm Circles – an exicon original. YHC led the pax through a set of 15 second left-side plank, 15 merkins, 15 second right-side plank, and 15 big boys.
Partner People’s Chair with Coupon Pass – Pax wall sat (or mostly air chaired) back-to-back while exchanging a coupon between each partner for 30 seconds. After completing the first set, Pax completed a quick 10-count and resumed the exercise in the alternate direction.
With all of the 2022 Exercise Election measures voted, tallied, and performed, Pax returned their coupons and moseyed to the shovel flag for a quick mary comprised of Flutterkicks, Crab Cakes, Freddy Mercuries, and LBCs before time was called.
After time was called, YHC provided everyone with their real reason for attendance, the election sticker, which proudly proclaimed, “I Accelerated through the 2022 Exercise Election,” and included a (fair use) F3 logo. As with most elections, stickers remain available, so contact YHC if you want one!
Pax shared various announcements including the 11/13 Beer Ruck, 11/23 Blood Drive, and 12/10 Santa Ruck. Be on the lookout for additional details and volunteer opportunities. For Santa Ruck, Rubicon will be announcing specific post-Thanksgiving days for dropping off donations.
Prayers were requested for Shirley, a friend of Lumbergh’s, who passed away last week, and continued prayers for other Pax and their families throughout F3 Alpha.
Thank you all for posting today and participating in the 2022 Exercise Election. It was an honor to lead.