Boneyard 150cc – Mario Kart BD

AO: Boneyard

When: 11/18/2022

QIC: Irene

PAX (11): Dipstick, FannyPack, Feathers, Mater, Morphine, Scrooge, Speedo, Stroller, Trebek, RollerDerby


After a @Scratch-Off BD last week at The Gladiator, YHC was inspired by the weighted crab-walks and a recent song on a playlist (Hey Mario by Patent Pending). With Mario Kart in mind, I set about creating an out-of-the-box beatdown based on everyone’s favorite plumber in a racecar. As a rookie Q, I reached out to @Lumbergh for a “punch-up,” and got the go ahead. And, while I may name these individuals, the blame for this is entirely mine!


YHC arrived early to set up the track and got in a 1/4 mile pre-run under the bridge. Noting this spot, I gathered the Pax, gave a brief disclaimer – for the BD and F3 – and we moseyed on to the tunnel under the road as fast as possible to get warmed-up – in all the ways possible.

SSH, Toy Soldiers, Weedpickers, and Hillbillies were used to get the blood pumping. The echo in the tunnel provided great acoustics for our counts and we even elicited a “Shh” from Dipstick even though we were as far from the neighbors as possible. Another Mosey to the course set up on the pickleball courts, and we were ready to start.

The Thang:

Pax arrived at the Pickleball courts to find the track set and ready. YHC described the rules of Mario Kart: Each race is 3 laps of a different type of Animal Crawl. The Mario Kart mystery boxes are the various single use items described below. Once you use it, drop it and move on. If you’re hit, you must perform the exercise.

Star…………….Pool Noodle……….10x Merkins
Red Shell…….Soccer Ball………….8x Burpees
Green Shell….Frisbee………………20α Flutter kicks
Banana………..Yellow Ball…………20α Mountain Climbers
Mushroom……Towel………………..3 Broad Jumps

Plus, the 1st to reach the cinder each lap was “hit” with the blue shell.
Blue Shell…….Cinder……………….20 Curls (NOT THROWN)

Pax were skeptical to start the Bear Crawl race, but quickly got into it. YHC saw numerous dives, ducks, dips, and dashes as Pax attempted to get out of the way of the various items hurled in their directions. Laughs were the primary mumblechatter on the day as most Pax enjoyed the competition of granting exercises to their fellow HIM.

After the Bear Crawl race, the course was reset and Pax enjoyed an intermission complete with 5 rounds of Captain Thor. The second race was a crab walk (either direction), and similar hilarity ensued. Following the second race, intermission was 2 1-minute wall sits which the pax handled easily.

Our final race was set for the Cheetah Walk, but YHC audibled on the start line – fearing mutiny with fists on pavement – and called a choose your own vehicle – animal crawl of choice. YHC selected the crab walk, but majority selected duck walks. Our final race closed out and we were left with some extra time for step-ups and dips under the pavilion: 1st Round 20α Step-Ups, 20 Dips, 2nd Round 10α Step-Ups, 10 Dips.

Finally, we moseyed to the flag for Mary with Dollies, Nolan Ryans, Tempo Merkins, Flutter kick LBCs, E2K, and American Hammers.

I believe the Toad – obviously the best racer in Mario Kart – was one of @Mater or @Feathers who zoomed out to unassailable leads in all of the races. Each Pax had their own strengths, and we may need to expand the course to prevent the Merkin Ambush zone along the net next time.


As PAX circled up, YHC forgot the count and name-o-rama, but luckily, I was corrected. Pax then shared information about the goings-on in F3 Alpha. Dipstick updated everyone on the status of the Blood Drive – it’s questionable at this point, but various HIM are working to find a resolution. Feathers and Speedo provided updates on Santa Ruck, Boneyard Donations, and the F3 Foundation Drive.

Finally, Scrooge and Feathers provided information on some upcoming activities as other AOs for thanksgiving (Hooch 5k, Gladiator Flag Football, Widowmaker Christmas Eve, and Feathers Christmas Party). Keep an eye on the AO slacks for more information.

Naked-Man Moleskin:

Thank you all for going along with my out-there beatdown. I appreciate the participation, but most especially the positive feedback. It is an honor to lead each time.

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