Here’s your CrackBlast

Welcome! If you are reading a CrackBlast for the first time, do not be alarmed. There are a few things that will happen in your next few minutes.

1. Confusion may top that list. Notice the pound sign identified as the following symbol: #. Your #shorties may refer to it as a “hashtag.” As those precede a word, know that those particular words can be found on the F3 website within the #lexicon. Heck, I will even help you get started.
2. Proper spelling. Eye cannot explain wye my spelling of these exercises is so acute. Won can only assume its because the internet tells me how. (Another short cut makes cents.)
3. Intimidation. I know what you’re probably thinking. “I am pretty new to this F3 thing. If I ever lead a workout, I can never produce a summation of events as glorious as this one.” Am I right? Well, you don’t have to be new in order to lack the prowess of a CrackBlast. Read the others. Most all suck compared to this and some of those guys have been doing this thing for years. At the very least, simply set a goal to be slightly better than locals like Simba, Sunshine, or Fondue (happy belated BTW), or any guy from inside 285… and unfortunately there are no links are possible to support their work. Also, feel free to use Darth Visor as a ghostwriter.

Now that you have been prepped, lets get to it.

WARM-UP

I don’t believe in warm-ups when you only have 45 minutes to squeeze the ole #beatdown in. Of course, the Abe Vigoda types out there usually have a lot to say about this. Come to think of it, the Abe Vigoda’s out there usually have a lot to say about anything we millennials do. Why don’t they ever mention how they raised us millennials? #TruthNugget must not be in their vocab, yet. Oh yeah… the warm-up: Short mosey to a corner of the parking lot for none other than Abe Vigodas, IC x10. Disclaimer.

WHAT WENT DOWN

• Continue hitting the corners of the parking lot, stopping at each one. Completed were goofballs, CCDs, J-Los, E2Ks on both sides, and Imperial Squawkers all IC. 5 Burpees OYO. Between each were running, backwards running, side shuffle left and right, and carioca from each side.
• Over to the stadium and partner up. Partners run opposite directions for 2 laps and complete 20 partner claps at each meeting, which is 4 times. Repeato, but this time doing 10 partner derkins, each man.
• Partners split on each side of that lovely football field. Bear crawl until you meet, 20 squats each man, bear crawl the remaining distance.
• Circle up at midfield for an elbow plank for 20 secs, left leg up for 10, and flapjack for 10. #EYC. Rinse and repeat.
• Back to the main parking lot for suicide BLIMPS for 3 minutes until we are done.

#Counterama, #Name-O-Rama & #COT

• Welcome FNGs Misty and Natty Light
• Babyface and Bloodhound are all about some #CSAUPs in the form of Spartan races. They are already scheduled for the Atlanta Sprint on 3/18 and then the Atlanta Super on 10/21. 20% off code: Spring20. If that is too much of a discount, 15% off code: SRBAF3SPARTAN. See those dudes to join either team of for more #G2. Apparently 2.0s really dig the races as well.

#Naked-Man-Moleskin

• First off, #Cobains. As much as I hate repetition among Qs, I ended with the same thing these guys did on Saturday. I would like to say I did it in order to to eliminate lots of detailed explanation. Truth is, there were plans to hit the stadium steps, but dark, wet conditions on aluminum stairs didn’t seem wise, so I modified and I didn’t properly prepare for an alternative. I remember reading about suicide BLIMPS thinking, “that’s a great idea.” Which it is! I just failed to realize is was from this AO 2 whole days ago. That’s what you get for good ideas.
• Clock on the wrist said we made it 2.3 miles and the clock on the wrist never lies, except for when it starts a little late. Mileage may have been more like 7.6.
• I need to join these guys more often. In just their second week, they execute what I believe is the first Alpha-area FNG to be named something lady-like. And they all supported it! Maybe it was prompted from the misty conditions this AM, but impressive nonetheless.
• For Misty, before you hate your name so much that you never return, do a search for F3 guys named Cindy, or Hillary, or Coal Miner’s Daughter. They are all F3 studs!
• Natty Light, if you don’t like your name, then I don’t either. Please remember that next time the home-brew is ready.
• Babyface, thanks for the keys this morning. In spite of the fact that I offered something like 5 times, the 6th must have been the charm! I should also thank all of the other guys that Baby could not convince to take this morning, thus making room for #YHC.
• Finally, F3’s Alpha-most region should do another Bring An FNG Week. We can do it during the final week of March, culminating on April Fools’ Day. Bring an FNG (or someone that hasn’t posted in the past 6 months) or else owe 50 burpees. The most recent BAFNGW brought out a few guys that have become regulars. You have a month to #EH those #sadclowns! Comment below to let me know what you think. And no #crickets

Crack!