Performance Art

Preamble:

A Foley Q as described by Grease Monkey.  First in a continuing series…

Oh great – Foley with the Q today.  Let’s see if he can manage to do this by himself without a bunch of drama and outsourcing.

Warm-O-Rama:

Just the BS I expected – we move nowhere and he has Norm do the warm-ups, and this overachiever decides to do one thousand SSHs.  Why did I even get up for this.  Aflac giving him crap and he’s ignoring it, so at least that makes me slightly happy.

Finally, he has us mosey towards the pond.  At least we’re doing something, but now he randomly calls for 7 Burpees.  Where the hell is Tubbs going?  Foley doesn’t care, and Aflac is yelling at Tubbs.  So typical.

Another light, and more Burpees.  Does he even have a plan?  Aflac wants to ditch Tubbs but Foley isn’t having it –that’s enough to keep me interested.

The Thang:

Finally we’re at the pond and Tubbs is doing something random in the parking lot.  Is that his dealer?

Anyway, Foley directs us to partner up and make sure slow guys are matched with fast guys.  He calls out Meltdown and Cliff for both being slow – now that made me laugh a little.  I’m happy for a moment, but now Foley tells us to Bear/Crab/Lunge around the pond.  Such BS.  Juul says we’ll never make it all the way around in time.  I disagree – we won’t even get halfway.  Did I mention that Pearl Jam is awesome?

This is going to take forever, Aflac is out in front trying to impress everyone, and Foley’s not even doing the exercise.  He’s just walking.  Maybe I should just quit here and head to Pops – they have the best coffee.

We pass some rando fishing in the pond – doesn’t he know that there’s like a foot of goose-crap on the bottom?  This guy is rigged-up like he’s trying to land a trophy salmon in Idaho.  Please get out of my way so we can get this thing over with.

Miracles do exist – we manage to make it all the way around.  Foley hasn’t done anything whatsoever and Yankee totally cheated the whole way.  But he’s my spirit animal (Eeyore) and I don’t say anything to him.  We still have 25 more minutes of this crap.

Now, Foley tells us to jog towards the football fields.  Finally, a chance of doing something half-normal.  As soon as we get there, he tells us to partner up again for leg throws.  Fine – at least we’re not crawling or running around anymore.  I can stay in one place and talk about Star Wars, Batman, Marvel, or some other stuff that makes me reasonably happy.

Wait – what’s this crap?  He wants us to run around half the field for like 20 laps?  That’s some BS right there.  I think I’ll just camp out with some PAX in the corner and do a couple sit-ups and watch them while discussing the top 10 Dukes of Hazzard episodes.  Foley’s not even trying anymore.

We only have 5 minutes left, and Foley calls for us to start running back to the flag.  But he stops at the playground – for what?  It’s almost 6:15 and I haven’t had my back pills yet.  Foley calls for some random crap for a few minutes while everyone complains about being late.  This is all performance art.  Aflac is loving this because he was late on Wednesday, and that make me especially grumpy.

For heaven’s sake, let’s get back to the flag.  Meltdown decides to take off in a footrace, and Norm & Donor decide to show off their speed by chasing him down.  I could time all these guys with a sun-dial they’re so slow.

COT:

• Something random about someone’s mother.