Friday the 13th of Halloween on Elm Street: The Sequel

Preamble:

Ah, the macabre. What a strange race we humans are, that we delight to revel in the morbid. While we celebrate the largest fright fest of the year as the October sun is dimming and the spiders are spinning, the rare Friday the 13th elsewhere in the year affords a brief off-season “Christmas in July” of sorts, with Jason Voorhees playing the role of Santa Claus. Like a one-day-only Spirit Halloween pop-up sale, YHC would be remiss to not purvey a murder and mayhem theme this gloomy morn. Also, YHC promised a 0.0 with coupons to offset the heavy Hooch running and brew-ruck hiking on either side of this beatdown.

Warm-O-Rama:

Nine intrepid PAX, coupons in hand, gathered on the cobblestones and welcomed back Cougar, home from college before starting his summer job at Camp Crystal Lake. (Or was that Camp All-American?) He’s the new hot nurse all the female counselors have been talking about, and this season we all hope he’s the sole cast member that survives.

YHC issued the standard disclaimer, started a spooky Friday the 13th-themed playlist, and led a blood-curdling warmup of SSH, WP, WM, arm circles, and Frankensteins.

The Thang:

Coupon carry to the town green, where YHC had set cones up in a course of a baseline and 10-, 20-, and 30-yard distances.

Thang 1: Murder Hornets

• Inspired by IronPAX ’19, PAX line up with coupons at the 0 yard line w/coupons.
• Murder Bunny to the 10-yard mark.
• 10 Man-Makers. (Dinghy kindly reminded the Q that there’s a plank jack woven into each rep of this exercise. The PAX mumblechattered their surly thanks to poor Dinghy.)
• Lunge w/coupon to the 20-yard mark.
• 10 BBS w/coupon.
• Zamparini to the 30-yard mark.
• 10 Squat Thrusters.
• Bear Crawl back to the start, dragging the coupon with you.
• Like every good horror movie, there was a predictable sequel. Rinse & Repeat.

Thang 2: Graveyard Smash (a Popper test kitchen crowd-pleaser)

• PAX line up with coupons at the 0 yard line w/coupons.
• 13 Grave Diggers, alpha count
• 13 straight-legged Dead Lifts
• 13 Skull Crushers
• Zombie crawl to the 10-yard mark and back. (In plank position, let feet go limp and drag your body forward w/arms. Modify to a Walking Dead-inspired zombie groan as necessary.)
• The sequel: Rinse & Repeat.

Thang 3: Killer Bees

• Inspired by IronPAX ’18, PAX line up with coupons at the 0 yard line with no coupons.
• Bear crawl to the 30-yard mark.
• Broad Jump back to start. Every 5 Broad Jumps, do 3 Burpees.
• The sequel: Rinse & Repeat.

Coupon carry back to the cobblestones

Mary

• Bat Wings: 20 Fwd Arm Circles, 20 Bwd Arm Circles, 20 Seal Claps, 20 Overhead Claps, without resting arms in between.
• Werewolf: Downward Dog, into Low Plank, into Upward Dog, back into Downward Dog.
  • Modify to howling at the moon as necessary. Warren Zevon’s “Werewolves of London” played during this one, and thus it was meant to be.
  • YHC called each smooth transition until we hit time.

COT:

Prayers for traveling college students, grieving friends, and discernment on the brew ruck. Praises for work relationships and opportunities to show generosity to those in need.

An update from Cougar on his recent and future whereabouts. College to summer camp job to another round of Army training. We much appreciate this brother and the path the Lord has led him on. Thank you for your service Cougar and all those who serve.

Naked-Man Moleskin:

When YHC feels the need to call for a 10-count after every cycle of a beatdown sequence, you know it’s good. Thankfully no one was shot, slashed, mauled, maimed, mangled, mutilated, murdered, or dismembered this morning, though many of us (Yours Truly included) will likely be sore. But as with all beatdowns, we are already looking forward to the sequel, to be directed by the next PAX who steps up to lead. Glad to sweat and struggle shoulder-to-shoulder with these HIMs, and honored to be their fearless leader this morning.