“Let’s have a bachelor party with chicks and guns and fire trucks and…F3?”*

When: 09/03/2016

QIC: Crypt Keeper + Sweeper Boy

PAX (): The Guvnah, Roscoe, Gump, Vinny, Sonny Bono (and the War Daddy...at Base Camp and in our hearts), Metro, Melinda, Mad Cow, Cavalier, Floppy/Short Circuit, Joy, Backdraft (FNG), Psycho/Francis (FNG), Barker, (FNG), Pillsbury, Hot Sauce, Nacho Libre, Hot Cocoa, Buhner, Natty Daddy, Double Check, Crayola, The King of Beers, Pusher, Crack, Hello Kitty (?) (FNG)

*paraphrased from the 1984 Tom Hanks classic “Bachelor Party.

28 men gathered around The Shovel Flag for a Labor Day weekend beatdown. We labored.

YHC was in The Land of the Sky for the weekend and offered up the BomBox. Understanding that YHC could easily self-smoke in the first 30, The Crypt Keeper graciously agreed to Q the back half.

The Thang:

It was 55 degrees. 7:00 am came and the BomBox exploded (see below for full mix):

  • Hold a plank while The Groove Armada gets warmed up.
  • Release for a quick mosey around the lot.
  • COP with SSHs, squats, Imperial Walkers.
  • Quick mosey to the football field (pick up a straggler on the way)
  • The 4 Corners: 10 reps of a Pax called exercise in each corner of the field
    • First up….Burpees (thank you, King o Beers…but apparently, I didn’t explain the whole “in EACH corner” thing)
    • Star jumps
    • LBCs
    • Merkins
  • (Pick up four new stragglers 15 mins in…more on this later)
  • 6MM at mid-field with LBCs, Freddie Mercuries, Squats and Solider-Jacks (set to The Killlers’ “All These Things I’ve Done” – hold the plank with merkins on every “Soldier.”)
  • Line-up on the sideline for AYG across, 75% back, Serge Zwikkers across, lunges back, Karaoke across and back.

The Crypt Keeper takes the conch…and things escalate quickly.

  • Mosey to the stadium stairs for a called three rounds of BACKWARDS BEARCRAWLS UP THE STAIRS (ALL CAPS TO SIGNIFY THE UTTER CRAZINESS OF THIS….LIKE I HAVE TO YELL AT YOU TO GET YOU TO UNDERSTAND THIS). YHC taps out midway through the 2nd round…mercifully, CK looks over at his Co-Q with slight look of disappointment/disgust and calls an audible.
  • Mosey back to goal line:
    • Five merkins on goal line, sprint to the 10 for two burpees, backwards run back to goal line.
    • Rinse and repeat at 20, 30, 40, 50 yd lines.
  • Moroccan Dance Clubs x 50 (this was a new one to me….and almost made my arms fall off. Sneaky).
  • Mosey to the covered walkway for 11s (inboard pullups on the rail + dips on the benches).
  • Finish with a long-line Indian Run all the way around the school.

Annnnnnd scene.

The Garmin tells me we clocked in at almost 3 miles and 800 kCals (for those keeping score at home).


  • So the second group of stragglers rolled in at the 15 min mark. Seemed a little odd. All were FNGs (to Asheville at least). They dove right in and kept up but eventually a few fell back to the 6. But strong encouragement from the Pax kept everyone going and together.
  • During the final IR around the school, YHC dropped back to sweep the 6 (I am called Sweeper Boy….and I know the 6 well). I introduced myself to Psycho/Francis as we joggrd in. He explains that he is actually fine, just he had only gone to bed 90 mins ago. Wait? WTF? Why are you even here? Turns out that it was F3- Alpharetta’s own Hot Sauce’s bachelor party weekend in Asheville. After a loooong night out in Beer City, USA, the groom-to-be roused his groomsmen from a short, but deep slumber to join him in posting at Base Camp. Gentlemen, this is strong. And never heard of in the annals of F3 (as far as YHC knows). That’s some strong 2d F/Accountability there, fellas. And even stronger stomachs/heads because, despite a previous cryptic tweet, not a single drop of Merlot was spilled. Impressive. I sometimes fartsack after a few beers and a half-decent night’s sleep.These guys when went rafting after the workout.
  • Got some good FNG names out of the wedding crew, including Backdraft (for a hulk of firefighter – keep up the good work), Barker (who knows the Price is Right) and Psycho (with a last name “Bates”….but that also morphed into “Francis,” but careful….he might kill ya.).
  • We also had an FNG up from Anderson, SC. Big Clemson fan – so he become “Hello Kitty” (I think – please correct what other emasculating feline name it might have been otherwise).
  • Crayola and Vinny just quietly smoked the Pax on 4 Corners. YHC was just trying to keep up.
  • Joy completed the entire workout with his aviators on. Maverick and Ice Man would be impressed.
  • I’m still picking astroturf pellets out of my shoes, hair, and nooks and crannies.
  • F3 – Asheville continues to grow and impress. This is a very strong crew with Redwood Originals like Crypt Keeper, War Daddy (always), Buhner along with King of Beers, Natty Daddy, The Guvnuh, Pillsbury, and countless others continuing to EH and grow the Pax. Keep it up.

Shoutouts and Announcements:

  • Prayers for War Daddy’s friend who lost his wife and mother to their four children to suicide last week. Not sure what to even say other than we are praying for him and his kids. That is just rough.
  •  Best of luck and Godspeed to Cavalier on the BRR. Run hard.
  • Congrats to Hot Sauce on the impending nuptials. You’ve got a good crew who will always have your back.

On behalf of Crypt Keeper

I remain,

Sweeper Boy

BomBox MIx:

Purple Haze – Groove Armada

The House That Heaven Built – Japandroids

Everlong – Foo Fighters

Callin on Sunday – U2 vs. Lyrics Born

Your Love – The Outfield

Black Tahoe – Balsa Gliders

All These Things That I’ve Done – The Killers

My Name is Jonas – Weezer

Panama – Van Halen

America Runs on Duncan – Dananananaykroid

Sunshine – Mike Doughty

She Sells Sanctuary – The Cult

Rent I Pay – Spoon

Rearviewmirror – Pearl Jam

Photograph – Def Leopard

Baba O’Riley (live) – Pearl Jam




1 thought on ““Let’s have a bachelor party with chicks and guns and fire trucks and…F3?”*”

  1. What a success! Nacho was so out of it that we convinced everyone Hot Sauce was actually the cat getting married. If you thought that was good, you should’ve seen Nacho and Francine during the rafting extravaganza. Has anyone checked to see if they’re still in the floatation device?

    You Asheville boys should be commended. I’m not so sure I wouldn’t have ditched us thru the woods if I were the Q. It was great though. Should be an F3 man’s standard to post during his bachelor party.


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