Hindsight is 50/50

Preamble:

Four pax showed up early for a humor-filled pre-ruck.  Topics such as “What is your ideal weight and how do you plan to get there?” and “If you had just one breath mint, who would you give it to?” made for some fun times.  Hoot owls and posterior disco balls made the cut as well.  We showed back up at the flag with a lot of PAX pulling in, including one FNG.

Disclaimer was given and we were off.

Warm-O-Rama:

Crank up the tunes and mosey to the top parking lot for:

• Weed pickers x10
• Hillbillies x10
• Windmills x10
• Storm Trooper – jump up and down with hands overhead for 1 minute…nice option in place of SSH

The Thang:

Thang 1 – Bolts and Honest Abes

Mosey to the cul-de-sac just outside the park for a round of Bolt 45’s.  Start with 15 squats from standing position to halfway down (someone commented this is how too many do normal squats…no comment).  Next is 15 squats starting from the hallway position all the way down.  Last, do 15 full squats.  Quads were warm at the end of this.

We then performed what the Exicon calls a One-Call – an 8-count merkin that makes it impossible to cheat (not that anyone would ever NOT do a regulation merkin, especially during IPC).  I nicknamed them Honest Abes but call ’em what you want.  Allow me to demonstrate…starting in a high plank:

1. Down
2. Hand-release
3. Hands back down
4. Back to high plank
5. Left hand punch out in front
6. Left hand down
7. Right hand punch out in front
8. Right hand down

We did 10 OYO I think.

Thang 2 – CLIMB a flat sidewalk

Mosey the short distance to the flat sidewalk that runs along Kimball Bridge.  Last week we rucked here and Zohan noted how many street lights there were and wouldn’t it be fun to do some sort of escalating activity at each one.  As luck had it, Birdie led us down this same stretch during the ruck this morning and I was able to count the number of street lamps and the math worked out perfectly.  PAX were instructed we were going to CLIMB the flat sidewalk:

• C = crab cakes
• L = lunges
• I = Iron Cross (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcJO0gfKEAc)
• M = merkins
• B = Burpees

Start at the first street light and do 1C, 2L, 3I, 4M, 5B.  Lunges were alpha count and Iron crosses were left-right-center = 1.  Rinse a repeat with 2, 4, 6, 8, 10.  Iron crosses are hard btw.  Made it through 3, 6, 9, 12, 15 and 4, 8, 12, 16, 20 before calling it so as not to bore the PAX.  I also gave them an option for I (Imperial Walkers) and B (Bobby Hurleys) as an optional modification.  No one complained.

Thang 2 – Lt. Danger

Mosey to the park entrance on Fox road for some Lt. Danger.  Start with one squat, two lunges then three merkins, repeat with 2, 4, 6, then 3, 6, 9, etc.  Let’s just say there are much faster ways to traverse that trail.  We stopped at the earthen dam where there were predictions our next Thang would be in the water.  Heeding the ‘beware of snakes’ signs, we stayed on the path and moseyed to the top of the Widowmaker.

Thang 3 – Colt 45’s

Just like a Bolt but with a coupon and curls.  15 starting at the halfway position and then down back to halfway.  15 from halfway to the up position.  Finish with 15 full curls.  Our super-fit FNG found a coupon unlike any I’d seen in the pile…HUGE…rookie mistake.  He held his own for a few reps until Dreamer bailed him out by handing him the pebble Dreamer had chosen and then went to find a smaller one :).  Quickly returned the coupons then met up at the manhole cover and challenged the PAX to sprint up to the top of the hill.  YHC didn’t wait around to hear the complaints so I am just assuming everyone loved it.

Thang 4 – Modified Coyote Ugly’s

We were pressed for time so YHC instructed PAX to partner up with someone of similar size.  P1 grabbed the bottom rail of the railing while P2 picked up P1’s feet and P1 did 5 merkins.  Without P2 letting go of the fee P1 grabs the top rail and does 5 more merkins.  Then flapjack.  We did two rounds and had the Chattahoochee cross country team questioning our sanity.  The bottom rail was tough because your back would hit the top rail so the recommendation is to do these per the Exicon (look it up) for a fun time.  PAX seemed to enjoy it regardless.

Thang 5 – Dew Soakers

Since it was nice a cool this morning we couldn’t show up at home with mostly dry clothes so we moseyed to the pitch and, starting on the end line, stopped at each line and did 10 BBSUs.  Most PAX made it to the other end (50 BBSUs) and we finished up with a short round of mary at the center circle.

COT:

We welcomed FNG Iceman.  He’s a CrossFit guy who does Tough Mudders (and Tougher Mudders I learned) including finishing one with a broken toe.

Next week we have a VQ…Sea Monkey, who turned 13 today, will bring us some second-generation pain.  Come out and support him!  Happy Birthday, Sea Monkey!!  Mazel tov, Bar Mitzvah!

Prayers for Dreamer’s daughter and his whole family as they try to assess the future of her eye issues.

Prayers for Chelsea who has Covid as does his wife.  YHC learned this afternoon he has been hospitalized so prayer warriors are needed!

Praise for strong bodies, awesome fellowship, and beautiful weather.

Naked-Man Moleskin:

Today was a lot of fun.  The 2nd F really took hold today and we had a lot of laughs in between the grunts and ant bites (mea culpa).  YHC hopes the other PAX feel that as well and keep coming back for more.  It’s an honor to lead and be alongside you HIMs.

–Speedo out

P.S. The title of the beatdown came up during the pre-ruck in which YHC replayed some expressions a well-meaning former co-worker used to say.  Others included “Too Much TMI” and referring to a “document suppository” in a discussion about archiving documents.  The title kind of summed up the humor-filled weekend so I thought an explanation was in order.